Fearing Labor at 39 Weeks Pregnant

So it's right near my expected due date, and I find myself anxious to get baby out already...  Then the never ending questions of labor takes over as I roll around in bed trying to find the non existent comfortable way to lie there and ponder.

How will it be like this time around I keep worrying.  To think back, the first time seems much easier.  I didn't have to worry about when it happened, or if I will I be alone.  If I was, I'd deal with it, but this time I think about who can show up fastest to watch my son.  Then I can't help but think how it'll be if one person makes it to watch my son, and I go through it alone.  I want to whine, and say "I need someone to hold my hand!"  I didn't know what to really expect the first time around, but now that I do I am terrified.  As I type right now, my body aches, my head hurts, I feel exhausted and I never run to meds but I feel I need something to help me sleep.  So how will I endure labor pain this time around? 

With my son, I felt contractions from around seven in the evening that closer and closer as the night progressed.  I waited out until the contractions were strong enough and far apart before my husband and I took the quick five minute drive to the hospital.  It was four AM by that time, and the midwife told me "if you made it this far, you don't need any meds, the worst is over."  Was she kidding me?!  I was shocked while I looked at her in pain but relieved.  Soon after realizing contractions were only getting stronger and harder to deal with.  Once they broke my water, I blacked out - not entirely, but the pain was out of this world.  I screamed for my mom the whole time, but you should know my mom passed away when I was a teenager years ago.  I eventually begged for the epidural, they had me waiting a long process until the person that does them makes her way to me.  First I needed to sign the consent, then the IV needed to go in, all while I was in full on active labor- not even able to fully open my eyes.  I was sure they were all lying to me, that they just delayed the process so I can just get through it, after all I made it that far.  Maybe they did lie to me, but in the end I was thankful for having gone through it all natural..but in the end I was, the very end.  From four to ten, my son was born shortly after ten AM.  They kept telling me they see the head, and I kept saying "what a bunch of liars" just trying to make me feel better, but soon enough he popped out. 

So here I am, I've gone through it once already with no epidural and I plan to give that another try.  After all my mom and many women did it, why can't I..again.  When I had my molar pregnancy and had to have the D&C, my body took forever to recover from the meds they gave me to fall asleep- that alone tells me go natural.  I don't want to imagine how an epidural might make me feel, so if giving birth is so natural, well why not endure the pain and go through it all natural.  YES..I am clearly trying to talk myself calm right now.

I haven't met anyone personally that gave birth without an epidural yet, but they all say "it didn't work, I still felt the pain" I can't help but respond "imagine what you might have felt if you didn't have it."  Like many, I want to catnap during labor, and have a calm delivery experience but I can't help but want to do it natural again.  I hope I can get through it this time.  The plan is to stay med-free, that's the plan.  Plans do change, perhaps I'll scream for the epidural again and still get through it without?  So many things to worry about this time around, I can't help but think about my little boy in the waiting area and then at home waiting for me us to come home.

Nothing like getting my fears out hearing from other moms who've all done it, what's your birth story like?  Any words of wisdom for me before my day comes?  I've technically "been there done that" but that makes me fear more.     

   
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