Fearing Labor at 39 Weeks Pregnant

So it's right near my expected due date, and I find myself anxious to get baby out already...  Then the never ending questions of labor takes over as I roll around in bed trying to find the non existent comfortable way to lie there and ponder.

How will it be like this time around I keep worrying.  To think back, the first time seems much easier.  I didn't have to worry about when it happened, or if I will I be alone.  If I was, I'd deal with it, but this time I think about who can show up fastest to watch my son.  Then I can't help but think how it'll be if one person makes it to watch my son, and I go through it alone.  I want to whine, and say "I need someone to hold my hand!"  I didn't know what to really expect the first time around, but now that I do I am terrified.  As I type right now, my body aches, my head hurts, I feel exhausted and I never run to meds but I feel I need something to help me sleep.  So how will I endure labor pain this time around? 

With my son, I felt contractions from around seven in the evening that closer and closer as the night progressed.  I waited out until the contractions were strong enough and far apart before my husband and I took the quick five minute drive to the hospital.  It was four AM by that time, and the midwife told me "if you made it this far, you don't need any meds, the worst is over."  Was she kidding me?!  I was shocked while I looked at her in pain but relieved.  Soon after realizing contractions were only getting stronger and harder to deal with.  Once they broke my water, I blacked out - not entirely, but the pain was out of this world.  I screamed for my mom the whole time, but you should know my mom passed away when I was a teenager years ago.  I eventually begged for the epidural, they had me waiting a long process until the person that does them makes her way to me.  First I needed to sign the consent, then the IV needed to go in, all while I was in full on active labor- not even able to fully open my eyes.  I was sure they were all lying to me, that they just delayed the process so I can just get through it, after all I made it that far.  Maybe they did lie to me, but in the end I was thankful for having gone through it all natural..but in the end I was, the very end.  From four to ten, my son was born shortly after ten AM.  They kept telling me they see the head, and I kept saying "what a bunch of liars" just trying to make me feel better, but soon enough he popped out. 

So here I am, I've gone through it once already with no epidural and I plan to give that another try.  After all my mom and many women did it, why can't I..again.  When I had my molar pregnancy and had to have the D&C, my body took forever to recover from the meds they gave me to fall asleep- that alone tells me go natural.  I don't want to imagine how an epidural might make me feel, so if giving birth is so natural, well why not endure the pain and go through it all natural.  YES..I am clearly trying to talk myself calm right now.

I haven't met anyone personally that gave birth without an epidural yet, but they all say "it didn't work, I still felt the pain" I can't help but respond "imagine what you might have felt if you didn't have it."  Like many, I want to catnap during labor, and have a calm delivery experience but I can't help but want to do it natural again.  I hope I can get through it this time.  The plan is to stay med-free, that's the plan.  Plans do change, perhaps I'll scream for the epidural again and still get through it without?  So many things to worry about this time around, I can't help but think about my little boy in the waiting area and then at home waiting for me us to come home.

Nothing like getting my fears out hearing from other moms who've all done it, what's your birth story like?  Any words of wisdom for me before my day comes?  I've technically "been there done that" but that makes me fear more.     


Stretch Marks - Did You Get Them?

Here I am back again, focusing on pregnancy, I was sure I said all that I wanted to but here I am still waiting for baby to come feeling more uncomfortable by day. 

Topic today, did you get stretch marks?  I was sure we all did, as I remember my mom had them but my sister got pregnant years before I did and had none.  She swears it was because she was good about putting creams, but I say it's all in the skin type.  So remembering her awesome experience, when I got pregnant with my son, I started swimming in all the "belly butters" I could find from the very beginning.  Only difference, I still had tons of stretch marks that appeared right in the end of my pregnancy.

This time again..I've been applying all the stretch marks prevention/healing creams every time I step into my bedroom, all day long.  I figure it'll happen anyway so I wasn't as passionate about it from the beginning.  So this time it's because the reminder of my skin ripping is there as my skin itches, and I look down only to see another wonderful pink line appear.  I accidentally scratched my belly on a corner of a table the other day, it didn't hurt much, but even that turned into a stretch mark going sideways.  Makes me sad because I know how it'll turn out eventually as I know how the stretch marks from when I had my son turned out.  They are full on scars that have faded, but nonetheless scars still visible.    What's more depressing the second time around is that the new stretch marks are appearing around the old scars that remain, what seems like the slowly taking over my lower belly. 

My sister thinks it's because I didn't apply enough cream, and swears that only reason our mom had them was because they didn't have the kind of creams back then like they do now.  Obviously, I'm sticking to saying it's all in your skin type, because I know I bathed in all those creams-same ones she used. 

So here comes the question, what's your take on stretch marks?  Did you get them?  What did/didn't you do?  

I Get It Now - Pregnancy

Something very new to me this pregnancy, I have been extra fragile then I remember being with my son.  I was out for dinner when my first contractions came in with him at a few days short of 40 weeks, but here I am at 38 weeks at home feeling like I have to take it easy to keep baby in cooking in the oven for the right time. 

If I don't take it easy and make sure to rest, I get painful cramps - what feels like painful contractions, but they go away once I rest long enough.  Either way I don't want to cause the baby to come early, although I'm not as concerned as I was before now that baby is considered full term.

But what do I get now?

I get why I have read/heard women complain about wanting baby out already, becuase it is getting difficult to function.  If I bend down to pick up a toy, I feel the burn of heartburn getting stronger, and the pressure and weight of my belly makes it so hard to bend down.  I start of light on my feet, but it doesn't take many steps for me to start waddling instead.  My feet or back scream for relief if I'm on my feet too long, even if it's just standing in the kitchen.  My poor belly has bumped into everything possible, it has sees so much action, it can get it's own show of titled "Adventures of the Belly Bump," the first part of me to get in and out everywhere I go.  Stained while eating, wet while washing dishes, or even knocking things over with every turn.    

I know that I will soon be saying how fast time flies, and will find myself missing being pregnant so I'm not screaming "let it end" like many, but I do get it now.  So moms to be out there, I hear you out there and I get it, because I do find myself, specially in the evenings, unbelievably uncomfortable.  But I'm still treasuring every moment of it all.  The challenges will continue as I venture to start breastfeeding again, the healing process after delivery, and I have started to worry about losing weight as well...  Aren't the worries for a mom always endless?!  Not to mention being extremely nervous about giving birth..again this time, seems scarier now that I know what to expect, but I pray it all works out well.           

So in the meantime I'll be taking it easy and the next time I speak of being pregnant, it'll probably be me missing being pregnant but happily holding my baby girl in my arms. I'll consider this a wrap up of my pregnancy since I am about two weeks away from my expected due date and a huge update from when I announced my pregnancy in fear of what tomorrow will bring. Thanks to all those have been so supportive, and made these past few months enjoyable.


Just Weeks Away - Pregnancy Update

Life's gotten extra busy and I find my self simply unable to stay up as I usually do to do my writing.  I'm very near the end of my pregnancy now, at 38 weeks, grateful to have made it this far without any major issues.  Many times I opened up a screen and started writing to update you all, only to get distracted or fall asleep.  Here's a piece from about two months ago that I started writing:

"I'm so close to my due date now, but I finally have a bump that's a full pregnant belly.  I was feeling all "in between" when I tried to get dressed, struggling to be comfortable in clothes for a long time it seems.  I take a while before I really start to show, it was the same with my son the first time around.

I have enjoyed shopping for clothes that go with my bump, and have enjoyed every little movement I feel from my little girl.  Most days I just wake up with a smile.

I have heartburn 24/7, my back hurts, my feet swell up if I'm on my feet too much, the symptoms are endless, but still I can't help but feel so blessed."

I still feel the same way, except that in the last two weeks I have grown from "Oh I love my bump" to "wow I'm so huge I can barely walk."  It's been amusing for everyone to giggle at me rolling out of bed, breathing hard just getting up and around.  Picking up toys or anything fallen on the floor has become a challenge, my son has been my little helper to make my days better.  I've been dealing with heartburn by drinking a few sips of hot milk, and chewing gum-eating small meals all throughout the day also helps. 

The baby twirls have obviously stopped, but have turned into full on kicks.  Subtle now since there isn't much space, but I still get strong ones here and there right into my ribs.  My little girl gets hiccups that rock my world, and as uncomfortable as it does get sometimes, I can't help but picture her with her hiccups and get all giddy about it. 

My back hurts so much lately, not even lying down helps.  Lying on my left is best, but I find myself on my right allot at night, and directly on my back isn't really an option.  So what has helped me?  What my family calls "my nest" has been my best friend this whole 38 weeks.  It's a pregnancy pillow by Today's Mom that I received and although it takes up allot of space on our bed, it gives me the proper support. 

Now that I'm very near the end I have starting getting stretch marks, sadly on addition to the ones that were there from my son the first time around.  My conclusion with stretch marks is that it all depends on your skin type.  I have bathed in all the creams and lotions to help prevent stretch marks both times, and yet I still got them, but I still would like to think it has helped prevent more damage. 

All that's left for me is to enjoy my days with my baby boy before he becomes a big brother, and get last minute things ready for our baby girl.  It has definitely been a rough month, from the day I tripped and fell giving everyone a scare crossing the street to storm Sandy coming for a rough visit.  Very grateful for everyday we are here and safe, mother nature has given us a big shake recently, prayers continue to go out to those affected.