Overcoming My Molar Pregnancy + Some Good News

In February of 2011 I had a due date for my second baby, but that was the pregnancy that failed.  In September, at 16 weeks pregnant, we still couldn't hear the heartbeat so went for another visit.  Only once again my midwife couldn't hear a heartbeat.  We went to another room, for a quick bedside sonogram.  Not thinking anything too bad about it, my husband with my 2 year old at the time in his arms brought out his camera phone to capture us seeing the baby for the first time.  The last thing we even knew to expect was a clear white screen, instead of a baby.  Right away the midwife ran out of the room to get another opinion, and in the same ten minutes we had been told it is a complete molar pregnancy, and scheduled a (D & C) the following week.  In complete shock all I could do was cry.
sample image of "typical" c.molar pregnancy
I went all throughout my first trimester going to every appointment, feeling more pregnant than ever (because of heightened HCG levels), even growing a tiny bump to hear that there was no baby, basically just abnormal tissue growth.  Along with that wonderful news came the risk of cancer associated with molar pregnancies.  I had just told my family that we were expecting, my little guy came to every appointment with me, as everyone asked him how he felt about being a big brother and so on.  I started to plan for another child, and wasn't expecting anything to go wrong.  Then, just like that in a few minutes the ground shook right under us.  The emotions I felt, I still can't fully explain.  It was upsetting, and even though I learned the facts about it, I kept blaming myself.  The rates are 1 in 1000, why why why...  It was a week before the procedure, and I cried my way into it as they rolled me on the bed to the surgery.  I have very low tolerance to medications, it could be a cold medicine but it will make me feel horrible all over.  Well, for the d & c, I was put to sleep and sent home not too long after the procedure.  I felt horribly weak, and my body felt in trembles all day and night after.  So many women go through this procedure, many that I have spoken to and all recover right away- physically.  It took me forever, and my husband and I said we probably won't try for another child again we were so terrified.
My baby about two weeks ago! 
Emotionally I'm still recovering.  I went forever looking at every baby, and every baby bump wishing I could be pregnant, or have that baby that never...  Shortly after, every baby item I had kept, I gave it away.  Little toys, clothes I had kept from my son for the younger sibling, I gave away as well.
It is now that I can share my story, because I am healing.  We really wanted a sibling for our little boy, closer in age, and now we are expecting.  Now slowly healing because I'm 15 weeks pregnant WITH a baby, I made sure with three sonograms already.  In another few weeks we get to find out the sex of the baby.  I'll never be the same as it took me until a week ago to accept that I was pregnant.  I was scared to love the baby because I kept thinking the worst.  I appreciate and love more, but I also fear more and will never think "not me," because it could be.

Sorry I have been MIA for a while now, been going through so much, mostly emotionally, well I guess physically too ;).  But now I feel better sharing the news with you as I try to put the past behind me.